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“If I let myself care, all I feel is pain."

Those were the words I told Elena last night. And they are absolutely true.

I understand that I practically pushed her into Damon's arms by going off with Klaus, but I had to do it. As important as Elena is to me, and always will be, Damon is my brother. That's the one thing that I can agree on completely with Klaus: "Family is everything." (Although his seems to have quite the ax to grind. I know how that feels.)

I wish everything could go back to the way it was. But I've committed so much evil these last few months. All those innocent people I killed on Klaus' yellow-brick quest for his hybrid army. Not to mention Andie. God, poor Andie. Even if Damon could ever find it in his heart to forgive me for that, I don't know that I'll ever --

No. This is exactly what I meant. I can't think about this. I have to push it all aside. Have to let it all go. It just hurts too damn much otherwise.

I need a drink. No, not that kind of drink. Scotch will do nicely. I'll just go get the decanter from downstairs while Damon's in his room. I don't want to look at him right now, and after what happened at the party, I'm sure he doesn't want to see me much either.

(What the hell is he doing over there anyway? Sounds like a damn tornado . . .)
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Stefan Salvatore

February 2012

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